Thymoma part 3: Waiting…Anxiety keeps me busy and overstays its welcome

So here’s the situation…..

I was going Crazy.

As I frantically awaited MRI results and MyChart wouldn’t update fast enough for me…Timehop reminded me that 5 years earlier I was headed for an MRI for my liver (that’s a story in and of itself that started  with a kidney stone lodged in my ureter!😳)…And there I was, 5 years later,stumbling my way through abnormal CT scan and MRI results, again… (Thankfully, the liver thing was just hemangiomas. Harmless… unless they rupture😳. So, nobody punch me in the gut, ok? Lol).

However, this time it didn’t end at the MRI results!

My story continued…I needed more tests, more doctor appointments…more waiting (NOT) so patiently to find out what we have to do about the stupid suspected thymoma!  I did not like some of the proposed treatment options…

Radiation? Chemotherapy? Surgery? A combo of all three???  No!  Aaaaggghh!!!!

I should be used to this medical mystery stuff by now. At 40, I’m probably worth millions in medical bills! If I was a vehicle, I’d be a lemon😜. But, I’m a human! So, call me a medical anomaly instead! 😉  They’ll probably fight over me when I’m dead because there’s so many mysteries to be uncovered, scientists and doctors would have a glorious time analyzing my cells and organs!

Well…that’s a morbid thought. Moving along!!!

But really! You should grab a bowl of popcorn and sit with me at a new doctor’s appointment… It’s quite comical the way I share my medical history with someone who wasn’t privy to it before. It takes a while.

Once upon a time, there was a freak of nature who stumped her doctors time and time again!!!  She lived a life of great mystery and longed for answers…. But instead of answers she got lots of blank stares…doctors excuse themselves to go google what I just told them, and I hear a lot of comments like : “Wow! That’s rare!” sprinkled in along the way…

I make my doctors laugh… because, really!?!? You have to laugh! It’s therapeutic and makes you feel good!😊

I also definitely obsess and worry. More than a person should, I’m sure! I am a control freak. I don’t fare well “in limbo”… I want the answers, like… yesterday! I want to know what we need to do, how, and when we will start! I don’t like waiting for appointments and results…

I prefer to be strong.

I prefer to be in control.

I prefer to know the road I’m traveling and where it leads.

I sure as heck prefer to not admit when I need help with something! That means weakness.

So, as hard as it was for me to admit… My stress level and anxiety begged my friends and family for prayers. Prayers for patience as I traveled into unchartered territory! Hoping the road would lead right back to status quo! Yet, I fully expected a bumpy ride and some uncomfortable detours along the way…

I’ve endured a hell of a lot in my lifetime. Starting with stomach surgery at 6 weeks old for pyloric stenosis… And more surgeries over the years for various reasons. So, I had no doubt that I’d have the strength to weather this medical storm, too 😊💪

I also have faith that those wonderful sidekicks I am lucky enough to call my family and friends would keep me on track! ❤️💕💗  They did a beautiful job of talking me down when my anxieties built too high.

I seriously considered asking my doctor about a low dose of anxiety meds… Never considered it before! I actually hate taking meds.😢. But, I was feeling like I was in Fight or Flight mode waiting for results…😳

In the end, the idea of yet another doctor appointment deterred me from ever asking.  I guess I prefer to feel crazy? I dunno… You’ll find me in the coucou’s nest in no time!

Usually my anxiety comes and goes depending on certain situations! And I’m used to dealing with that! I guess all my unknowns and worries are too much sometimes😝😁

All I have to say is thank God for my friends and family who kept me distracted and talked me down when the anxiety built too high…as I waited to find out whether I’d need surgery…which I eventually did. (More about that later!)


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