My First Mammogram 


Turning 40 (soon)… So I thought I’d celebrate with an exciting and fun-filled trip for me and my “girls” to get our first mammogram!  
Woop woop! 

The joys of turning 40 (soon…not today!)…

Here’s what I learned at my first mammogram this AM:

1. my boobs are opposite of the rest of me…They have NOT turned fatty yet! 😜😂😂😂 

2. Ouch!!!

3. My boobs are DENSE (does that mean they are stupid? I guess I should’ve read to them more when we were younger!)

Actually, dense boobs means I get to have 3 to 4 images on each side instead of standard two images! (Not sure if all machines are like that? She said I was lucky I went there because they have higher tech imaging so they don’t have to squeeze as hard—well I can’t imagine it being squeezed any harder without popping! Geez). So dense means extra images and squeezies! 😜😩😂

3. Ouch!!!😳 

4. Now I know what an orange feels like after it’s been abused for fresh squeezed juice! 🍊

5. Ouch!!!

Now, it’s over and I feel used. The machine was so cold…and unloving. It didn’t even offer to take me out to coffee before or after all that fondling and squeezing! Rude. I don’t expect to get any heartfelt texts or phone calls… I’m moving on. It’s for the better. The girls and I will keep our chins up and head held high!
Back to the medical/scientific part…Seriously! Let’s think logically now! Why haven’t they invented the technology to obtain these important and very delicate images an easier way, yet? Some dude with serious mommy/woman issues invented these contraptions! Im convinced that’s the only possible explanation. Why else can we see organs and tendons and vessels and such with other noninvasive technology, and our girls have to be squeezed into such a horrible contraption?  

And riddle me THIS… Why don’t men have to get their Beans and Frank’s smashed onto a machine like our “girls” when they get their prostate checked? 

  Wait…Scratch that… I just googled and I saw the words “digital rectal exam” and saw enough in my imagination to realize men have other things to complain about. No need to click on those links! The instant visual in your head should be enough…

Anyway…all I’m saying is this… PLEASE!!! Give me a Peek-a-Boob 2000. A radiology machine for breasts that simply, gently cradles a breast instead of trying to crush it and pop it!  
And when it’s done, a voucher for a free lunch or 25% off your favorite store…or even a $5 Target gift card pops out, wishes you well and thanks you for your time! That sounds much nicer…😉

I know a mammogram is a very necessary test and I will always get tested when I’m supposed to…but that doesn’t mean I’m obligated to LIKE it!

So there… 


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